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Garfunkel and Oates - The Loophole **Capo 3rd** D G All my life I've been good D A Do what my mom and dad and God say I should D G Go to church and Bible School A D To live by God's rule Bm So whatever people tell me Bm A That The Bible tells me D I will do D G Walk the halls at my school with my purity ring Bm E Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check D G It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend Bm E And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck D G And I made a pact D G To keep my hymen intact G A And Jesus and I are tight D G Never learned about the birds and the bees Bm E I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees D G 'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong Bm E But Jason says that guys can't wait that long G D I don't want to lose him G D To someone who'll do him G A I need to figure something out D G Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well Bm E So I can get him off without going to hell D G It's my Hail Mary, full of grace Bm E In Jesus' name we go to fifth base! Bm E Oh thank you for making me holy Bm E And thank you for giving me holes to choose from G A And since I'm not a godless whore G A He'll have to come in the back door Therefore Chorus: D G Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus Bm G A The good Lord would want it that way D E G E Get that sweet sensation a throbbing rationalization G A It's just between you and me G A D 'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see D G It's hard to be as pure as me Bm A To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity D G To wait until my marriage bed Bm A To give my husband my unsullied maiden head G D So take your cock out G D Shove it in my ass G A Fuck me until you come G D Oops! I mean let's join our souls G D And unite our bodies G A And fly with the wings of God D G Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris Bm A If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this D G And no prophylactics when you put it in Bm E 'Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin G D I've emptied my bowels G D And laid out the towels G A I'm ready for romance D G Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest Bm A But of all of my holes, this ones the driest D G And we can't procreate if we anal copulate Bm E And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight G D And I'm staying pure, no matter what G A So I'm OK with everything butt Everything butt Everything butt Whoa-oh Chorus: D G Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus Bm G A The good Lord would want it that way D E G E Get that sweet sensation a rock hard rationalization G A It's just between you and me G A D 'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see Bm E I do whatever The Bible tells me to Bm A Except for the parts that I choose to ignore Bm A Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient Bm E But the rest I live by for sure G A So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce G A And how it condones slavery and killing gays because those parts don't happen of course E G Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and (line up for ambiguities as omissions?) A Bm And circumvent any real sacrifice, and still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted E positions D A Bm And don't you dare question my convictions E G And don't look closely at the contradictions D A Bm And just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion E G And have faith in its complete jurisdiction E As the only way to measure if you're good or not And when you're in a debate, just say to “have faith” A Because when you're up against logic it's the only card you've got G So close your eyes A Take a deep breath And.. Chorus: D G Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus Bm G A The good Lord would want it that way D E G E Get that sweet sensation an irrational rationalization G A It's just between you and me G A E 'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see G A Yeah, my chastity belt has locks G A D So sometimes you need to think outside the box