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Pretty much perfect! There are a few places where I hear it a littledifferent--I think the last note of the first measure of the chorus is a quarter note tied into the second measure, like so (and ditto for the harmony):
|-----------------|-------------------|
|-----------2-4-2-|-(2)-0---------2-2-|
|-4-2-------------|-------4-4---5-----|
|-----5-5---------|-------------------|
|-----------------|-------------------|
|-----------------|-------------------|
breakown--something like this:
|----------------|-----------------|
|----------------|-----------------|
|----------------|-----------------|
|----------------|-9-----x-9-7-5-9-|
|-7-----x-10---x-|-----------------|
|----------------|-----------------|
E E E Q E E Q E E Q E E Q
And I'm sure there's a mute or palm mute that chops up the half notes in the second half of the
Q. E Q. Q. E E E E E
Give it a listen and see if you agree.
Other than that, I think this is dead on. Nice work and five stars.