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I want to have Stephen Lynch's kids! That's all there is to it! okay, gerbil! probably worse than "Lullaby" but hey it's Lynch. (pick the 1st verse) A G D C I bought a gerbil at the petting zoo A G D C If Richard Gere can do it, I can too. A G D C I get undressed and I start to lube A G D C I stick the gerbil in the end of the tube. (strum the pre-chorus) D A Wondering just how he'll feel D A will he like it better than his little wheel D A careful now he's right beside me D A one more inch and he's inside me D A D A D A D A GO!!! Gerbil go! (1st Chorus) D A D A Burrow harder, burrow deeper D A D A be my little chimney sweeper D A D A one thing I forgot about C N/C how am I supposed to get you out (back to picking the verse) A G D C so now my gerbils won easy street A G D C it's warm and cozy and there's plenty to eat A G D C the situation is beyond my control A G D C gotta find a way to get him out of his hole. (sturm pre-chorus) D A I tried crowbars I tried wires D A I almost hurt'em with a pair of pliers D A I tried cheese but he's not biting D A I wish this wasn't so exciting D A D A D A D A Go!!! Gerbil Go!!! (2nd Chorus) D A D A Jesus, I am such a sucker D A D A Please get out you fury fuuuahhh! D A D A I think I am getting ill C N/C suddenly he's very very still (back to picking verse) A G D C Now it's too late my gerbil died A G D C I guess I have committed gerbacide A G D C here's some advice it's very clear cut A G D A G D(now strum verse chords) if you love your gerbil...don't stick him up your butt C A don't stick him up your butt little fury gerbil in your booty hole don't stick him up your booma whomma wam (start babbling to the music, kind of a scat like singing) (Ha! Scat...um...nevermind) Yeah! (end on chord A) any major life questions consult the manual there is a god, there is a plan and the spaceship is coming! - Maria Bamford, Comedy Central Presents