Billy Conoly – D.I.V.O.R.C.E F F F Our little dog is six years old, and he's smart as any damn kid. G G But when you mention the V.E.T. he damn near flips his lid. F F F Words like S.H.O.T. shot or W.O.R.M. worm, F F G F These are words which make him S.Q.U.I.R.M. squirm. F F F His Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today, G G Coz he bit the V.E.T. and then he ran away. F F F He caused me and my wife to have a big fight, and then, both of them bit me. F F G F And that's why I am gonna get a D.I.V.O.R.C.E. F F F She shouted "get him Rover," and he jumped over, and bit my L.E.G. G G She sank her teeth in my B.U.M. and called me an effin C. F F F Well I'm telling you, that was my cue, to get O.F.F.-ski F F G F And I'm going down to the town tonight to get a new B.I.R.D. F F F Oh yes his Q.U.A.R.A.N.T.I.N.E starts today. G G Both my wife and my wee scabby dog will soon be hauled away. F F F That's why I spell out all these words, so as my dog can't hear. F F G F Oh I must admit that dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer. F F G F Oh, I must admit my dog is acting Q.U.E.E.R. queer.