G Em Gather ye 'round D G And I'll tell you a tale G Em Of all the great times Am7 D I've had with an ale G Em There's joy and there's glory D G More than you can think G Em D Yes this is what happens to me G When I drink! C I pee my pants! C My pants! I pee my pants! G Em I get up from the bar Am7 D To find pee on my pants! G Em I say it's water D G but all it takes is a glance Em Am7 For people to realize D G I pee my pants! White Josh: Wow, I did not know it was that bad. Greg: G Em Yes wine can be fun D G White, Rosé and Red G Em 'Till I call up my boss Am7 D To say I wish he was dead! G Em Chase down the regret D G With some gin for good luck! G Em Then steal my cousin Jim's D G Landscaping truck! Drive home then C I puke on my cat! My cat! G I puke on my cat! G Em I fall through the doorway Am7 D And puke on my cat! G Em Poor little Bruno D G Did not expect that! G Am7 I tried for the toilet D G But puke on my cat! G Em While some can enjoy D G A scotch with a steak Em Or one glass of wine Am7 D Then they're barely awake. G Em For me it's much different D G What happens when Em Am7 I try to have one D G It just turns into ten. And then... C I fly a plane! A plane! G I fly a plane! Em I knock on the cockpit Shouting Am7 D "I'll fly this plane!" G Em We emergency landed D G The TSA came G Em Now I'm banned from Southwest D G Cause I try to fly planes! EVERYBODY! Everyone: C He has sex with a bush! A bush! C G He has sex with a bush! Greg: Em That wasn't a woman? Everyone: Am7 D No it was a bush! G Em It had twigs and leaves D G Cause it was a bush! Greg: Em That's where that scar comes from! Everyone: D G From sexing a bush! Em Am7 But he's breaking the cycle D G And making a push! Em Am7 He's quitting his drinking And saving his C Pants and his G Cat and C Southwest and G Jim's truck Hector: And my car White Josh: My car too! Everyone: And a bush! Josh: I didn't do anything wrong! YES! White Josh: Again, not about you.