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The Loophole Chords

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Author
Difficulty
Capo
novice
3rd fret
Garfunkel and Oates - The Loophole

**Capo 3rd**

D                        G
All my life I've been good
D                                       A
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should
 
D                         G
Go to church and Bible School
A                   D
To live by God's rule
 
Bm
So whatever people tell me
Bm                   A
That The Bible tells me
D
I will do
 

D                                   G
Walk the halls at my school with my purity ring
Bm                                  E
Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check
D                          G
It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend
Bm                             E
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck
 
D             G
And I made a pact
D             G
To keep my hymen intact
G                    A
And Jesus and I are tight
 
D                        G
Never learned about the birds and the bees
Bm                                    E
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
D                                       G
'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong
Bm                             E
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long
 
G                   D
I don't want to lose him
G                   D
To someone who'll do him
G                           A
I need to figure something out
 

D                                               G
Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well
         Bm                    E 
So I can get him off without going to hell
D                   G
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace
       Bm                         E 
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!

Bm                          E 
Oh thank you for making me holy
Bm                                  E
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
G                            A
And since I'm not a godless whore
G                                A
He'll have to come in the back door
Therefore

 
Chorus:
D                                G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Bm                           G      A
The good Lord would want it that way
D               E             G           E
Get that sweet sensation a throbbing rationalization


G                        A 
It's just between you and me
G                               A                D
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
 
D                  G 
It's hard to be as pure as me
Bm                            A
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
D                   G
To wait until my marriage bed
Bm                             A
To give my husband my unsullied maiden head


G             D 
So take your cock out
G            D
Shove it in my ass
G            A
Fuck me until you come
 
        G                    D
Oops! I mean let's join our souls
G                D
And unite our bodies
G                         A
And fly with the wings of God


D                                   G
Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris
Bm                                         A
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this


D                                 G
And no prophylactics when you put it in
Bm                                        E
'Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin


G                D
I've emptied my bowels
G                 D
And laid out the towels
G               A
I'm ready for romance


D                               G
Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest
Bm                                 A
But of all of my holes, this ones the driest
 

D                           G
And we can't procreate if we anal copulate
Bm                              E
And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight


G                     D
And I'm staying pure, no matter what
G                      A
So I'm OK with everything butt
Everything butt
Everything butt
Whoa-oh
 
Chorus:
D                        G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Bm                           G   A
The good Lord would want it that way
D              E             G        E
Get that sweet sensation a rock hard rationalization
 
G                       A 
It's just between you and me
G                              A                  D
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
 
Bm                       E
I do whatever The Bible tells me to
Bm                             A
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore
Bm                             A
Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient
Bm                      E
But the rest I live by for sure
 

G                                                   A         
So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce
G                                           A
And how it condones slavery and killing gays because those parts don't happen of course
E                                                       G 
Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and (line up for ambiguities as omissions?)
 A                             Bm
And circumvent any real sacrifice, and still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted 
E
positions

D                  A                Bm 
And don't you dare question my convictions
E                                   G
And don't look closely at the contradictions
D                     A                   Bm
And just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
E                                     G
And have faith in its complete jurisdiction

E
As the only way to measure if you're good or not
And when you're in a debate, just say to “have faith”
                                                                                                A
Because when you're up against logic it's the only card you've got
 
G
So close your eyes
A
Take a deep breath
And..
 
Chorus:
D                      G
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Bm                         G      A
The good Lord would want it that way
D             E             G           E
Get that sweet sensation an irrational rationalization


G                      A 
It's just between you and me
G                 A                            E
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
G                        A
Yeah, my chastity belt has locks
G                  A                        D
So sometimes you need to think outside the box
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5 comments total. Showing first comments.
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Gewaltmuggel 54 wrote on June 18 2014, 06:24 am, edited at 07:47 am

Very nice.[Bm] Whatever people tell me that the Bible [G] tells me.[A] I will [D] do.Unlike those [Bm] other girls I've got my [A] morals in check.(Instead of [E]. That's only on the second iteration.)Same: I was [Bm] taught to keep and Aspirin in be-[A]-tween my knees.So I can [Bm] get him off without [A] going to hell.Always the same pattern. Second iteration isto give my [Bm] husband my unsullied [E] maiden head.And I'm [G] staying pure no matter [A] what.[G] Except for the parts that I [A] choose to ignore 'cause they're [G] unrealistic and [A] inconvenient.Text: (Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry) and mine it for ambiguities and omissions.... up against logic it's the only card you've [A] got.Cause [G] I made a [D] pact to keep my [G] hymen in-[D]-tact.Chord placement isn't on the right syllables. Some text discrepancies. But otherwise a great tab. It's not worth making a new version, this one is really good, so I'm just posting here. Thank you very much, almitra. Good job.

Edit: The fast bridge part is a bit too fast for me to make out chords but it goes a bit more like
Let's [E] cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and [G] mine it for ambiguities [A (E4 or something)] and omissions
to [A] circumvent any real [Bm] sacrifice
but [G] still feel pious in my [A] arbitrary [E] parroted positions.
Pretty sure these chords are not entirely correct but I can't get closer.

0 reply
Gewaltmuggel 54 wrote on June 18 2014, 07:54 am

Okay, I have no idea why the formatting got messed up now, it was proper just before editing. This is unreadable. I will try again. In short:

Bm G A D - Intro.

D G Bm A, D G Bm E - Verses (all of them).
G D G D G A - The pact to keep the hymen intact.

G A G A - Pure no matter what, okay with butt.

(Bm E) G A G A (Bm E) - I do whatever the Bible tells me to except...

And the addition of which I'm unsure:
E E G A - A Bm G A - E E - The cherry-pick part.

Sorry for cluttering comments, I can't edit the previous post anymore for some reason. And I have no idea what's up with the formatting.

0 reply
ugg-ggu 10 wrote on March 16 2016, 04:13 am

Found this years later and feel like adding my 2 cents :).

I agree with your suggestions, and here are some more ideas. I hope this formats correctly. Not that I am formatting it well in the first place...

1) There is a progression used just once, at the start.

[D] Go to church, and [Em] Bible school (not G)

2) [Bm] Unlike those other girls, I've got my [A] morals in check

(As you observed, it only goes to E in the second part of that phrase in
each verse]

3) And [G] I made a [D] pact to keep my [G] hymen in-[D]-tact

(Not D G, it's G D - this appears a few times in the song too)

4) Gimme that [D] sweet sen-[Em]-sation (not E)

5) The live version of the bridge is simplified; the hard part of the recorded version has a walking bass line and several extra, quick chords:

Let's [E] cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and
[G] mine it for ambi-[E7]-guities and omissions to
[A] circumvent any real [F#7] sacrifice, but
[Bm] still feel pious in my [D] arbitrary [E7] parroted positions

That walking bass part is G G# A A# B A resulting in the chord pattern: E G E7/G# A F#7/A# Bm D/A E7

I can't play that on guitar, I'd leave the ascending bass and the chord inversions to a piano. But it could be played on guitar by a more proficient guitarist.

6) Here's another variation. The chart is right for the live version, but on the recording this is slightly different:

And don't look [E] closely at the contra-[Em]-dictions (Em, not G)

7) As [E] the only way to measure if you're good or not
And [Em] in a debate, just say to “have faith"
'Cause when [E] up against logic it's the only card you've [A] got

(That is, I hear it as a switch from E to Em to E.)

Now if only there were a way to play Sports Go Sports reasonably on acoustic guitar... but I don't think so.

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