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The Loophole Ukulele Chords

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Difficulty
Capo
novice
3rd fret
Garfunkel and Oates - The Loophole

**Capo 3rd**

C                        F
All my life I've been good
C                                       G
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should
 
C                         F
Go to church and Bible School
G                   C
To live by God's rule
 
Am
So whatever people tell me
Am                   G
That The Bible tells me
C
I will do
 

C                                   F
Walk the halls at my school with my purity ring
Am                                  D
Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check
C                          F
It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend
Am                             D
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck
 
C             F
And I made a pact
C             F
To keep my hymen intact
F                    G
And Jesus and I are tight
 
C                        F
Never learned about the birds and the bees
Am                                    D
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
C                                       F
'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong
Am                             D
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long
 
F                   C
I don't want to lose him
F                   C
To someone who'll do him
F                           G
I need to figure something out
 

C                                               F
Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well
         Am                    D 
So I can get him off without going to hell
C                   F
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace
       Am                         D 
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!

Am                          D 
Oh thank you for making me holy
Am                                  D
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
F                            G
And since I'm not a godless whore
F                                G
He'll have to come in the back door
Therefore

 
Chorus:
C                                F
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Am                           F      G
The good Lord would want it that way
C               D             F           D
Get that sweet sensation a throbbing rationalization


F                        G 
It's just between you and me
F                               G                C
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
 
C                  F 
It's hard to be as pure as me
Am                            G
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
C                   F
To wait until my marriage bed
Am                             G
To give my husband my unsullied maiden head


F             C 
So take your cock out
F            C
Shove it in my ass
F            G
Fuck me until you come
 
        F                    C
Oops! I mean let's join our souls
F                C
And unite our bodies
F                         G
And fly with the wings of God


C                                   F
Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris
Am                                         G
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this


C                                 F
And no prophylactics when you put it in
Am                                        D
'Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin


F                C
I've emptied my bowels
F                 C
And laid out the towels
F               G
I'm ready for romance


C                               F
Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest
Am                                 G
But of all of my holes, this ones the driest
 

C                           F
And we can't procreate if we anal copulate
Am                              D
And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight


F                     C
And I'm staying pure, no matter what
F                      G
So I'm OK with everything butt
Everything butt
Everything butt
Whoa-oh
 
Chorus:
C                        F
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Am                           F   G
The good Lord would want it that way
C              D             F        D
Get that sweet sensation a rock hard rationalization
 
F                       G 
It's just between you and me
F                              G                  C
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
 
Am                       D
I do whatever The Bible tells me to
Am                             G
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore
Am                             G
Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient
Am                      D
But the rest I live by for sure
 

F                                                   G         
So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce
F                                           G
And how it condones slavery and killing gays because those parts don't happen of course
D                                                       F 
Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and (line up for ambiguities as omissions?)
 G                             Am
And circumvent any real sacrifice, and still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted 
D
positions

C                  G                Am 
And don't you dare question my convictions
D                                   F
And don't look closely at the contradictions
C                     G                   Am
And just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
D                                     F
And have faith in its complete jurisdiction

D
As the only way to measure if you're good or not
And when you're in a debate, just say to “have faith”
                                                                                                G
Because when you're up against logic it's the only card you've got
 
F
So close your eyes
G
Take a deep breath
And..
 
Chorus:
C                      F
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus
Am                         F      G
The good Lord would want it that way
C             D             F           D
Get that sweet sensation an irrational rationalization


F                      G 
It's just between you and me
F                 G                            D
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see
F                        G
Yeah, my chastity belt has locks
F                  G                        C
So sometimes you need to think outside the box
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