F C F Darts in soap operas, oh so wrong, oh so wrong C F No one's scoring and there's too much chat between easch throw C F Worse than this though is when cheers are raised for the bull C Granted, bull's a double and an out but I know that they don't Gm C Gm C Gm C C7 Know their boards; I propose no soap darts. F C F Is your child hyperactive or is he perhaps a twat? C F Sometimes I like to watch wave rage down on Fistral Beach C F Last Ash Wednesday I had tantric sex and it was shit C Next Ash Wednesday I might strive to lick my elbow; Gm C Gm C Gm C C7 Strive in vain, for they say few succeed. F C I wrote to the Horse and Hounds to gloat over whay I'd done F C I stored their magazine in a data retrieval system F Well let's face it what're they going to do? C It's not as if they know where I live F C And anyway I cut the caper back in 1984 F C Heartbroken Matrons on joyless beds F C For those whose souls the iron has entered F C And if I get to Heaven's gate I'll doubtless have to wait F C While St. Peter investigates the inevitable asterisk F C The inside of a Halex Three Star table-tennis ball F C F Smells much like you'd expect it to.