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Texas Annie Chords

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Texas Annie - The Wet Spots

[Verse]
Am                                                              G
Well, Texas Annie had a big fat fanny, and she drove a black sedan
G                                                               Am
She had Ben Wa Balls in her overalls and a trunk full of contraband.
Am                                                                                      G
And when the fog was thick, she'd pack her dicks, and sneak across the county line,
G                                               Am
'Cause in Texas, any tool for masturbation is a crime.


Am                                              G
Hard-livin' and promiscuous, she kinda liked the risk,
G                                       Am
She was a liquor-drinkin' dildo-runnin' rascal.
Am                                                      G
With an electronic phallus for each housewife up in Dallas
G                                        Am
An' a probe for every asshole in El Paso.

[Chorus]
F                               C
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas
G                                                       C
We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear?
F                               C
And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable
G                                       Am
For a prison term of twenty-seven years.

[Verse]
Am                                                                      G
Well, she'd rent a room in a cheap saloon and start sellin' all her wares,
G                                                               Am
She'd be drinkin' whisky and gettin' frisky, conductin' her affairs.
Am                                                                              G
And by the end of the night, she'd be good and tight, with a girl on either side,
G                                                                               Am
And she'd grab her saddle and a ping-pong paddle and she'd take them for a ride.


Am                                                              G
Till the good ol' boys got their good ol' balls all tied up in a sling,
G                                                                       Am
And the governor said "I'll have her head, that butch is gonna swing,"
Am                                                                              G
The boys felt replaced and they felt disgraced and they chased her hard and long
G                                                                       Am
There's no debate in the Lone Star State about who should wear the dong.

[Verse]
F                               C
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas
G                                                       C
We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear?
F                                    C
And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable
G                                       Am
To be tried before a jury of your queers. I mean, peers.
Am
Right, definitely peers.

[Bridge]
Am
Annie in the bedroom picking out toys,
G
Annie been caught by the governor's boys,
Am
Annie gonna get the electric chair,
G
A thousand volts in the derriere.

[Spoken]
Am
Wooo-hooo! (laugh) Do it again, muthafucka, come on!

[Verse]
Am                                                                      G       
So they strapped her in and the governor grinned, "I guess you've had your fun,
G                                                                       Am      
Shoulda made your money as a playboy bunny or by selling people guns.
Am                                              G       
So goodnight Texas Annie - I hope you burn in hell,"
G                                                                       Am
She said "I'll see you there, you sonofabitch, and I'll see your wife as well!"


Am                                                              G
So he flipped the switch, she began to twitch and vibrate all around,
G                                                                                       Am
Smoke filled the room, there was a thunderous boom and a high pitched buzzing sound.
Am                                                                      G
And as the air cleared, she'd disappeared, and a hundred eyes grew wide,
G                                                       Am
The Men were stiff with horror but their wives looked satisfied.


[Chorus]
F                               C
Cos you can't buy a dildo in Texas,
G                               C
So here's your chance to stick it to the man.
F                                               C
Take every opportunity to whack off with impunity,
G                               C       F       C  G  C
Go fuck yourselves as often as you can.


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