Capo 1st Fret A C#m When I need you you’re only ever twenty-eight away with a tailwind D Dm A I’m on Shimano Ultegra now, ain’t you heard? C#m Through the trauma Jemma Guntrip has failed as a friend D Dm A Venezuela, Australia, then me. Em G C F Bb Eb But when it’s too late for drunks and too early for milkmen Ab C Give me the moonlight, give me a spade. F C Dm Bb G C I’ve got soil on my fingers; I’ve got worms in my shoes, F C Dm Bb G C The stench of death lingers when I lie next to you, F C Dm I’ve been allowed about an hour to comprehend Bb G C That I simply can’t walk out the door F C Dm Bb G C# F C# F They’ve got rules by which I must abide; regulations to keep me secure. A C#m With a help chute and a carbon monoxide alarm D Dm A We would still have our Thursday afternoons C#m Consolation in the form of a halogen lamp D Dm A Dark was the night, cold was the ground. Em G C F Bb Eb When you’ve got nothing to lose you get worms in your shoes Ab C C7 You get the subterranean lovesick blues. F C Bb F I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man C Bb F I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man C Bb C# F C# F I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man.