G D G Darts in soap operas, oh so wrong, oh so wrong D G No one's scoring and there's too much chat between easch throw D G Worse than this though is when cheers are raised for the bull D Granted, bull's a double and an out but I know that they don't Am D Am D Am D D7 Know their boards; I propose no soap darts. G D G Is your child hyperactive or is he perhaps a twat? D G Sometimes I like to watch wave rage down on Fistral Beach D G Last Ash Wednesday I had tantric sex and it was shit D Next Ash Wednesday I might strive to lick my elbow; Am D Am D Am D D7 Strive in vain, for they say few succeed. G D I wrote to the Horse and Hounds to gloat over whay I'd done G D I stored their magazine in a data retrieval system G Well let's face it what're they going to do? D It's not as if they know where I live G D And anyway I cut the caper back in 1984 G D Heartbroken Matrons on joyless beds G D For those whose souls the iron has entered G D And if I get to Heaven's gate I'll doubtless have to wait G D While St. Peter investigates the inevitable asterisk G D The inside of a Halex Three Star table-tennis ball G D G Smells much like you'd expect it to.